MY BOYFRIEND’S FRIEND RAPED ME! NOW I’M AFRAID TO TELL MY BOO

It’s time for another BMS OMG: CONFESSIONS! This one has my head spinning! Check out this letter and let’s help this sistah figure out what to do… I have been with my boyfriend for four years, and he is my best friend as well as the man I love. He has a friend of 10 years who is extremely flirtatious, a massive womanizer, handsome, and charming. I had no interest in him, although we got along really well. A little over a year ago, he appeared at my apartment door drunk one night. He said he couldn’t afford a cab. I let him in so he could call my boyfriend to pick him up. After I rejected several of his advances, he raped me in my apartment. Before he left, he said if I told anyone, everyone would think it was consensual, given his reputation and my friendship with him. I never told anyone, and my boyfriend has never found out. The friend has since moved away. Over the last year, I have had repeated nightmares and panic attacks. I’m haunted by the other women this man may assault. My boyfriend only knows I’ve been going through a “rough patch,” but he doesn’t know why. He’s still in touch with this friend. I love my boyfriend so much, and I know he adores me, but I can’t tell him. He will believe his friend over me, and I will lose him forever. Not to mention that I was the one who let the man into my apartment. I feel I am close to cracking all the time. Since that night, my body won’t respond sexually at all. Although we have sex sporadically, I often have to go to the bathroom to cry afterward. My boyfriend is understandably frustrated and has offered to come with me to see a doctor. I’m horrified of the idea of anybody, therapist or otherwise, probing into my sex life. It would be kinder to finish the relationship so the wonderful, kind, and funny man I’m with can find somebody who can make him happy again, but I don’t want to lose him. I don’t know what to do, and I’ve paid a high price for my stupidity. Please help me. —Alone

 Dear Alone, Imma keep this real simple. First of all you did NOTHING wrong. This sicko raped you and should be reported to the cops immediately before he hurts someone else (if it hasn’t already happened). Secondly, you say your boyfriend is your best friend and you both love each other very much. If that is truly the case, you should tell him what happened. He may be upset that you waited to tell him but you had your own reservations about coming clean and that shouldn’t be held against you. If he dumps you because you were RAPED by his friend…he probably isn’t the type of guy you want to spend your life with and it was never meant to be. Consider it a blessing and keep it movin’! Love should be unconditional. Side note…please seek some type of therapy. There are support groups out there that can help you…RAINN is a good place to start. BMS wishes you the best. OK…BMS fans…what’s your advice for Alone?